Happy weekend, all.

I don’t really have much to say today and didn’t have a post planned out. So, this is it for today. I’m seventeen days in so far, so can’t ruin it now.

This week was just plain out awful just like the rest of them. I really had high hopes that this week would be great, but it wasn’t. I did not make any progress in trying to conquer my anxiety or depression. I regressed, if anything. I am going to try and not dwell about it and focus on the good things that did happen over the weekend.

On Friday, I was supposed to get my new iPhone, but the place I was supposed to get it from didn’t get nearly enough phones on Friday and I was going to have to wait until next week to get one. I was pretty bummed out, not going to lie. I was going through twitter withdrawls! So, I thought for sure the rest of my weekend was going to be pretty lame because I was going to have to go even longer without a good phone (#firstworldproblems).

Saturday comes by and James asks me if I want to go to Weber’s Cider Mill Farm. Its where they have pumpkins, apples, and all kinds of other farm stuff, I guess. Mostly, it is for kids, but I was interested in getting cider and other edible goodies. So, we drove out there and fought for parking, but we eventually made it to the place. I ended up getting some honey crisp apples (My Fave!), a butternut squash, and some apple cider. Maybe something else, but I don’t remember. I had a good time, but since I am sick, I started to feel bad, so we had to leave after only being there a short while.

Later on, I started feeling better and I wanted to go to the mall to pick up something from Sephora and to browse other stores, etc.  Well, I happened to stumble upon an AT&T store, so I had James go in and ask if they had any white iPhones left. To my surprise, they did, and so I went ahead and got it. Yay, I will be happy about that for awhile until the new & shiny wears off. But hooray for new phone that works properly (so far!)! Just waiting on the case for it, its gonna have a panda bear on it.

Hope anyone that reads this had a good weekend, too. [=

I celebrated my 27th birthday last weekend with my parents & James. My parents drove up from SC to hang out with me and to go to NYC that following Saturday. My actual birthday was fine. We went to Annapolis to go to one of my favorite restaurants, which was fine and dandy. However, on Saturday, I personally got up at 3:30am and we left the house at 4:30am to get to the park & ride for the bus stop. We had one long, hot, & sweaty day in NYC.

I don’t regret my NYC experience with my parents, but whatever. I didn’t really want to go in the first place. I was doing it for them. It eventually turned out to be an alright day in the end, but I left NYC in lots of pain. We didn’t get back to the house and into bed until 3am on Sunday. So that means, we were awake for 24 hours.

On Sunday, I didn’t feel like doing anything except for lounging about. That’s pretty much all I did, other than run errands with James after my parents left to go back to SC. It took me a few days to recover from being so sore, but I think this next coming week, I should be back on track with everything.

I had a hard week, though. I’ve had a cold with a combination of being depressed all week. I haven’t felt like doing anything at all, other than laying in bed or zoning out at the computer. That’s pretty much what happened. I only cooked once and the dishes are still in the sink. Oh well. Hopefully this coming week will be a lot better, but I won’t hold my breath. Gotta get through the weekend first.

I was supposed to go to the gym after picking up my prescription, but I felt like I had already sweat enough and that I did not need to go to the gym. I was so drained from the sun just from walking to and from my car four times. I am wimp, hear me roar. -squeak-

I also wore my new shoes that I got yesterday and that was a flippin mistake. I got blisters just from walking around Target. Oh well. Gotta break them in sooner or later.

James took me to the inner harbor on Saturday to try and cheer me up and while there we stopped in Urban Outfitters. I had already picked out the vinyl toy blind box I wanted and was ready to head upstairs to check out when I spotted this gem (Tara McPherson Magic Love Hello Kitty!) out of the corner of my eye high up on a dusty shelf in a corner. I flipped out and went and got it down from the shelf and it had a price tag of 9.99. I was like REALLY?! I wanted this forever ago and when it came out I didn’t have the 40 bucks in my paypal to buy it, so I didn’t get it. NOW I HAS FOR 9.99! It seriously was the highlight of my day.

I also scored some cute apple earrings. I’m totally into earrings right now and I don’t know why. I never wear them and plus I only have one other pair which are cute vintage bunnies from way back when when I could barely walk. So now I have two pairs of earrings! Check me out!

Also, I won passes to a screening of Super 8 tonight from a trivia thingy I may or may not have used google to cheat. I’m not sure if the movie will be any good, but its free, so I don’t care.

I’m totally going to regret being awake this early..

French Bulldogs. I really want one. Someone buy me one and I’ll love you forever. I think Oscar would love to have a Frenchie for a playmate. I have been obsessively watching frenchie puppies on youtube this past week. Sue me.

Lady Gaga. It is quite embarrassing to admit this, but I have really been into her new album. I can’t decide weather I am offended by all of her religious references or if I like it enough that I’m just going to ignore that part. Either way, ‘Judas’ has been stuck in my head forever. I’m not going to lie, I worked out to her new album at the gym the other day.

Scrabble. James bought us Scrabble to play and I have enjoyed it immensely. I have never played Scrabble before and I feel like I am awesome at making words! Hooray! Being a spelling nazi paid off! After looking at all these hipster-y photos of scrabble letters, I feel the urge to create a cute photo or two.

Beer. Lets face it, beer is always a favorite to me, but now that its summer it is a must have. I have been on the search for a perfect drinkable summer beer. I think I found it, but its not the one pictured. I mean, I love that one, but it isn’t giving me that summery refreshing feeling. I kinda almost want to start a beer journal.

Kung Fu Panda 2. The baby panda scenes made my heart melt. Totally worth it and now I want my own baby panda to feed radishes. Awww!

This depression is absolutely eating away at me. I don’t know how much more of this I can take. I tried going to the doctor to get meds, but it just way too expensive without insurance and I can’t justify having James pay for it like that when most people can go and get it so much cheaper because they’re lucky enough to have insurance. Its not fair. It frustrates me beyond belief. The easy solution is not for me to go get a job and get my own insurance. It could happen but I feel anxiety coming on just thinking about it.

Its like an endless loop of fail. I need a job so I can have insurance, but I have trouble acquiring a job mainly because of my bad credit and my anxiety. So, I get depressed about it, plus other things, and there ya have it. Rinse & repeat. Its like Rebecca Black’s Friday on repeat, except I know where I’m going to sit in the car.

The same thing goes for being lonely. I’m lonely because I have social anxiety. There are plenty of meetin & meetup events I want to go to, but I just can’t bring myself to go to them. I am shy and I don’t know what to say to people, so I will just end up sitting there staring out into space and/or watching everyone else have a good time.  So, fuck that.

Ugh. I wish there was an easy fix for all of this and I could feel better. I feel like the longer it goes, the worse I feel. Oh well. Its all my fault. I messed it all up when I initially quit my shitty job back in 2006 and lets not forget me quitting school, that didn’t help either.

So now I’m gonna go wallow in my own misery.