Panduh!

I’ve been eating like crap for the past couple of weeks and its really starting to catch up to me. Blargh. I’ve had intense stomach aches and really bad headaches over the past couple of days. Pretty awful. Lesson learned.. for now.

Also, out of the blue, I’ve gotten the urge to paint my nails. I haven’t done this since I was in middle school. I don’t know why, but I am quite embarrassed that I am all of a sudden wanting to paint my fangernails. To make things worse, I bought a dress this past week. I can probably count on one hand how many times I’ve worn a dress in my lifetime. WHY am I getting these girly urges??!

I finally broke down and just made an appointment at a salon to get my hair dyed a crazy color since I don’t have anyone around here to help me just do it myself. I tried to get James to help me out and it was complete fail. So, right now, my hair is pretty awful looking, color-wise.

Woe is me.

I-85 Northbound

I am back home in Baltimore. I left to go back home Wednesday morning around 6am and got here in Baltimore around two in the afternoon. It was a quick drive and didn’t seem to drag on like it normally does. I was so eager to get home, especially after what happened when I was at my parents’ house.

It honestly seemed like it took forever for Friday to arrive, but it is here. I am ready for the weekend, especially since its St. Patty’s day. I plan on being perpetually drunk for most of the day tomorrow. Not very exciting, but I have a lot of beer in the fridge that I need to make disappear. If I knew some people, I could throw a party, however I do not. Forever alone. James and I are going to one of my favorite restaurants in the city tomorrow night, so that is always good.

I can’t wait to cook next week because when I was back home in South Carolina, I ate like crap and it most certainly made me feel terrible. I look forward to my flatbread pizzas on Monday and whatever else I decide to cook for the rest of the week.

My NYC day trip is on the 28th and I’m very excited to go, even if I did have trouble figuring out what I wanted to do. I’ve seen pretty much everything touristy already.. It took some time, but I’ve got it all planned. I just need to straighten out the details.

Yay. I am happy today. I hope everyone else has a happy friday and enjoys the rest of the weekend. [=

Monday, I drove down to South Carolina for a much needed mental vacation. I needed to get away from the source of my stress, depression, & loneliness.

I really have enjoyed my time down here so far. I brought both dogs with me and we have been going to a park for a walk every morning. Since there are an abundance of parks around here, we’ve been to a few different ones. I know Oscar is content with these long walks and daily car rides. Oh and roaming around the yard without being leashed.  I am happy that my dogs are happy.

When I go back to Baltimore, I want to get on a similar routine. I need to find a park(s) or somewhere I can walk them other than our surrounding neighborhood sidewalks. I am really enjoying my time with them. I love my puppies.

Other than spending a lot of time with my dogs, I haven’t really been doing much other than hanging around waiting on bed time so we can start the day over again. I have been spending some time with my parents & of course Billy. I’m going to my nephews birthday party tomorrow evening.

I really do miss being in Baltimore, though, as crazy as that may seem. There’s only so much I can take of my bitchy mother. I’ll probably head back on Thursday morning.

I still have yet to pick up my DSLR other than on Sunday to take macro pictures of my Frog cupcake from Wegmans. I haven’t even transferred those pictures to my computer. That’s how fail/unmotivated I am right now.

The cover of my new journal.

So, its the new year and time for resolutions and stuff. I figured it might be nice to share the list of resolutions I wrote down in my journal. I feel like if I share them publicly, I may be more inclined to stay on path. I’m not going to lie, I wrote down a lot and have high expectations for 2012. I just hope I don’t end up disappointing myself in the end. Fingers crossed.

Here goes –

- Cook more often. Its healthier and saves money.

- Stick to my vegan/vegetarian diet. I have been cheating more often than I wanted due to convenience, pressure from others, and cravings. Time to stay true.

- Walk Oscar every day. No excuses.

- Acquire a new puppy/dog.

- Volunteer at an animal shelter.

- Work on mental health.

- Exercise.

- Try for a part-time job.

- Be more social. I need to quit avoiding social situations due to anxiety.

- Read more books. I got a Kindle for Christmas from James, so that should be easy enough.

- Go to at least 5 concerts.

- Write more – journal, blog, penpals, etc.

- Be more kind and appreciative.

- Get the house ready for selling.

- Travel. (which includes visiting NYC at least 3 times this year)

- Minimize drinking. (empty calories for the lose!)

- Go to school.

- Enjoy life.

There. Those are my wants and goals for the year of 2012. I really hope, want, need to get on the right track and change my life for the better. I am tired of living in this same miserable situation that I’ve put myself into. Wish me luck!

So, I did a little painting today. I have never done it before other than back in grade school art class or with water colors when I was super young.

I’m being crafty and painting on an old window frame that was in this house and I decided to keep it when we got our windows replaced this spring. I chose this particular window because it had an old faded rainbow sticker on it, and yea, I love rainbows. I noticed that the neighbors upstair window also has the same rainbow sticker. I’m thinking maybe there were two little girls that in these houses and were rainbow buddies… that’s what I like to think, at least.

I’m not finished with my simpleton work of art yet, but when I’m done I’ll be sure to post here. What I have so far I do like, other than one thing. I can just wash it off with soap and water and start all over, thankfully, since its on glass.

I didn’t really know where to begin when it came to painting. I just randomly chose paints and brushes at Hobby Lobby. I hope I picked the right stuff, but whatever, it seems to be getting the job done, this far. I just need to go pick up a couple more paints and something to set it once I’m done.

Enough babble about my crappy art projects..

I need to finish getting my grocery list together. I’m making thanksgiving dinner for James and I this year, and I’m really looking forward to it. We were going to have tofurky sandwiches, but I decided against that. I like tofurky and all, but I want something a little heartier. Either way, I’m excited. <3

My back is feeling much better, and I hope tomorrow I can get back to doing normal things rather than sitting in a chair upright all day. It would be cool.

I don’t really have much to say today and didn’t have a post planned out. So, this is it for today. I’m seventeen days in so far, so can’t ruin it now.

Didn’t really do anything exciting other than draw this for James today. I’m the butter, he’s the waffle. The butter reminds me of Woodstock for some reason. Either way, I thought it was cute and wanted to share. I made it using a paint/drawing app on my iPhone called Doodle Buddy.

My back is still out and its making it difficult to do anything. So, pretty much I’ve been sitting here all day for the past couple of days. I don’t want to, but its probably best. Tomorrow will be the last day for the medication I have to take for my face. I can’t wait. I think its been the cause of making me feel like crap even more so. Fingers are crossed.

I feel like a brat. Sometimes I probably come across as ungrateful or unappreciative.

But really, I am thankful for my boyfriend, even if we don’t get along sometimes, my parents, and my family. I feel lucky and I need to not forget about the people that care about me the most because I do that sometimes. I need to look at the bigger picture instead of focusing and dwelling on tiny details that don’t really matter in the end.

Tomorrow is going to be a hard day for me. Lets just hope I can make it through. *crosses fingers*

I just wish I had the ability to smile. Hopefully soon.

<3

This week has not been any better than the last, which really blows, but that’s Ok. James has been really sick and I’ve been in a not-so-good place mentally. So you put those two things together and its like an explosion of terrible. Rawr.

However, I did end up having James call and make me an appointment with a psychiatrist for next Thursday. I am a little worried about it and having second thoughts on going, but I know I really should. I am more worried about the cost of it more than anything since I am sans insurance. It will be for the best and something that should’ve happened a long, long time ago. I just want to feel better and to function somewhat normally. So, here’s to that and it going well.

I still have been keeping up with my daily photograph project deal, but I haven’t really been inspired and have just been taking pictures of any random thing. I just have no motivation, whatsoever, but I am making myself do it. I’m sure my creativity will come around at some point.

Abducted – Cults.

This weekend couldn’t have been any worse. I was so angry and frustrated with any and everything. All I did was cry pretty much and I didn’t get anything done that I really wanted to do.  Whatever. Story of my life.

Its Monday. Meh.